As I sit across the room from my husband, bonding with my computer keyboard for yet another blog post, my husband seems satisfied to enjoy my company while he reads the paper. Every now and then, he'll read a little blurb to me (Redskins won last night) and I try hard not to show annoyance that he's interrupting my ActiveRain concentration. Part of me feels a little guilty, though.
Who is my significant other, anyway? My husband or ActiveRain?!?!
Since this is the season for sitting down to write a business plan and make New Year's resolutions, we might want to do a little soul-searching to make sure we have things in perspective in our lives. Ask yourself these questions, and draw your own conclusion:
1. Do I spend more time on ActiveRain or talking with my significant other?
2. Do I spend more time on ActiveRain or listening to my children?
3. Do I spend more time on ActiveRain than following up directly with current and former clients?
4. Do I spend more time on ActiveRain than keeping my home and office organized?
5. Do I spend more time on ActiveRain than I do keeping in touch with my parents, siblings, and friends?
I could add another ten questions here, but I'm sure you get the point.
The bottom line, really, is whether I spend an appropriate amount of time on ActiveRain. Is it replacing LESS valuable activity or MORE valuable activity in my day?
In my case, most of my ActiveRain time is in lieu of sleep, which I'm not sure is a good thing, either - but at least it does not consume every waking minute when I should be doing other things. Larry doesn't seem to feel threatened by ActiveRain - it's just the latest of my many interests in our 40 years of marriage - and, after all, he does have his golf! No kids at home any more, but we probably talk more since they're calling or emailing to comment on my latest blog. And now I have something of value to send my clients - relevant blog posts - so I'm probably doing a better job of keeping in touch with them than ever before in my career.
A consumer survey conducted last January for SupportSoft Inc., a firm that makes software for computer help desks, indicated that 64% of all Americans spend more time with their computer than their significant other. And that was before ActiveRain took off - I imagine the numbers would be higher now, by about 62,000.
There are worse things, right?
Seriously, ActiveRain is a valuable part of my day that replaces LESS valuable use of time in the past - time that I might have spent watching TV, sleeping (okay, that IS valuable), and plain ol' busy work. I'm actually more efficient than I was in the pre-ActiveRain era, because I manage my time better. Larry, don't worry... you're still #1 with me. (Just don't interrupt my ActiveRain concentration, okay?)
P.S. I read this to my husband before posting it, and he assures me that I do a good job of not looking annoyed when he talks to me while I'm on ActiveRain. And now we both just start laughing when he opens his mouth to say anything because we're thinking about that.
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Copyright 2006-12. All rights reserved.
DISCLAIMER: Information contained in this post is deemed reliable on the date of publication, but it is not guaranteed and it is subject to change without notice.
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Margaret, lol!!!! I once did a post about AR widows and nothing has changed. I really try to spend quality time with my husband. (he's in the shower, so I am free:). He "was" becoming annoyed, because it's not just Active Rain, its other blogs, searching for homes, learning, etc. He has started coming around though, now that he realizes just how much business I actually get from the Internet and I also have cut down tremendously.
Have a great Holiday, Margaret.
This is our "QUALITY" time!
Brian Block , it's been pretty funny this morning - ever since I read that to him about "trying not to look annoyed" when he interrupts, we both just start laughing when he starts to interrupt.
Pam Graham, You're right - time just seems to evaporate!
Karen Hurst , Thank you for sharing your picture! I must have missed your post - I'm sure there have been others and will continue to be more, with AR eating up so much time. This really is a good time to evaluate our time management as we plan for the following year, and I definately want AR to be part of my business plan - I just have to decide what time it is replacing.
Karen Hurst - I'm trying to avoid some of those other distractions, and my outside blog isn't very time consuming because they don't have the volume of comments to acknowledge (not complaining - I love comments). And, by the way, I enjoy your outside blog.
Lisa - Where did your comment go? It showed up FOUR times on my homepage, but I don't see it here!?!?
Celeste "Sally" Cheeseman - Sally, me too! Lots of windows open, I mean. And I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have as much time for this if I was running to this activity and that with three children. But I do have the time, so why not!?!?
Hi Margaret,
This is too funny! This year has been a well balanced year so far. I am able to take days off on weekends with my husband. My weekends are reserved for my family. Once a while, I work on weekends if requested. I get out of state clients who are off on weekends.
I have time blocks for AR so it does not interfere with personal life. AR is addicting though.
Catherine
Margaret thanks for putting into words! Now I don't have a husband and I am truly a widow but I have a friend that does not understand my addiction to AR! Of course, he is retired and have all this time to do nothing and to sleep in the middle of the day.... so I have had to lay the law that I consider AR a part of my business and I have to keep working so THERE! I have felt the guilt from time to time when one of my kids ask me what I am doing and I saw I am on AR but they now understand and we don't have the problem.
I get up early and stay up late, there is just so much that I feel I still need to learn and share and I enjoy it. I have even cut out some of the other things I was doing to entertain myself. I agree with Jason in striking a balance for family and other activities and chores and business in my life but AR is a major part of my day and I love it.
Great post. Well deserved feature. Happy and Safe Holidays to you and your family.
Margaret -AR has changed my time allocation. Much less sleep -not good, much less reading -not good, much less TV-good, the rest the same. My husband is happy- much less time for my nagging :)Another good part my kids now think I am semi-cool. for those who have many blogs, I have no idea how they manage.
Congratulations on 40 years -- I'm only halfway there!
Margaret I love the picture! You guys look great. AR has become a large part of my life but I am trying to balance. As you know I have not blogged since the beginning of the month (working on one) but I read alot try to make time 2 x's a day morning with my coffee and before the end of the day!
Jason Crouch, Broker - I think it requires an adjustment any time we start something new. Something else has to go! Thanks for your comment.
Catherine Sinocruz - Time blocks help. 'Admit I'm not perfect about sticking within them, however.
Patricia Kennedy - Even if he's not around to notice how you spend your time, I'm sure there's still a balance required. And I have no doubt that you're doing just fine!
Rosemary Brooks - No doubt this is a very valuable use of my time... as long as I keep that balance and remember who my significant other REALLY is!
Karl Burger - 'Went away for Thanksgiving and didn't miss AR or my business at all for 4 days. You're right, stepping away is good sometimes!
Faina Sechzer - With many blogs, there's bound to be some duplication. I tend to post my garden club blogs on ActiveRain for Localism, and occasionally I write something solely for my Crofton blog. But there's often some overlap. And I don't blog for points - I have no idea whether there are 2 or 10 or more in a week. I just write when I have something to say.
Eleanor Thorne - Oh no, not your phone, too! I wouldn't dare even think of starting that!
Ryan Martin - 'Just wait 'til you bring in a commission or two from AR... she'll be nagging you to spend MORE time blogging!
Jesse & Kathy Clifton - 'Guess I'm a blend of you two. I do it at the end of the day, while watching TV. Now I stay up later and don't miss any primetime shows. They're not good enough to keep me up on their own merit, but I will stay up to watch and blog simultaneously.
Missy Caulk - I've drawn the line on other social networks. MINIMAL involvement!
Elaine Hanson - Congrats on 20 years - that's pretty impressive in this day and age, too. Really, ActiveRain is my latest interest, and it's a lot less messy than my last - scrapbooking! With that, I would tie up the dining table for weeks on end! AR doesn't require anything more than my laptop.
Katie Landon - Hi, Katie - This was taken over Thanksgiving weekend when we were at Pinehurst. I go through long periods of not blogging at all. Then I get on a tangent (like this week, with VA and military posts) and I write a whole bunch. It sounds like you already have a good balance.
I am very very lucky my hubby Jay is right here on AR...he posts on his blog and comments just about as much as I do. So usually we share our AR time. Which makes it easy.
Happy Holidays!
Clark Hitchcock - Sounds like you've got your priorities straight, at least for now!
Jo Soss - Goodness, that would make it easier to decide what to do with your time!
Donald Bradbury - Yeah, I've set boundaries like that, too, but I'd say it ends up being more like three hours in a 24-hour period, depending on whether I'm posting something or just commenting and reciprocating.
Monika McGillicuddy 'Sounds ideal. Really not that different from my computer time and Larry's reading time. I hever was much of a reader, so that's not an issue for me.
Adam Waldman - Ah yes, many talents here! Congrats again on your two features in three days!
Kelly Sibilsky - Not always easy, but most days is good enough for me. It could be worse - you could be addicted to any number of much less healthy things... What's a little computer time?!?!? Just a minor distraction...
Margaret - Cute post! I've wondered how am I going to keep up with all this social networking. It's like I neet someone else to do my business while I'm on the 'puter.
Margaret...
Many virtual moons ago I realized that I was spending waaaaaaaaaay too much time on AR.
Shortly after realizing that I read a study by John Sulen. The study was about the psychology of cyberspace.
After finishing the study I understood the importance of balancing myself between the real world and virtual world.
When we hand our lives over to a keyboard I think we may have issues :)
TLW...ROAR!
Margaret, I too am trying to balance my online time with my personal relationships. My hubby spends a lot of time on the computer playing games so I tend to do my AR stuff at that time.
Margaret,
This is just an excellent post...heartfelt, caring, truthful, important, wisdom filled, necessary, and well deserving of that feature star!!! As one with 6 significant others and a dog under the same roof, it takes on extra meaning!!! Thanks, Fran
Margaret,
Active rain is like everything else in life, it gives you what you give it. But honestly, imbalance can do more to harm those around you, and so balance I've found is the key to happiness. So if Active Rain keeps you in balance, then GREAT!! If not, then slow it down!
Hey Margaret,
Guilty on a couple of those myself. Truth be told, at times I do feel like I've spent too much time online. At this point, I feel like I'm in recovery. My time on AR is normally in the evenings, I try to do my best to stay off line for long periods of time during the day.
BTW, Larry sure sounds like a great guy to me!
Hi Margaret - this post clearly strikes a chord with a lot of us here. I do need to find a balance between computer time (AR) and time with my significant other. If I'm on here for a bit, pretty soon he'll do something (like blow me a kiss or make a noise), and I know he's needing some attention and wants me to put my computer away but doesn't want to say that. I do, sometimes come home and just never open it up so I can just be with him. I probably should do that a little more often..... and there are times when I'm on here and just don't put it away so I can go to bed. AR = sleep thief!
Good post and nice to see this featured!
Ann
Sleep thief...that's IT!! You're right, I only read and blog in the evening, when everyone else in my family if wasting time watching foolish TV programs?!!? Hey, I'm in the same room with them, but at least I feel like i"m doing/learning something to better myself! Not only do I lose sleep blogging, but when I finally do go to bed, I lay there thinking with my brain going a mile a minute!!
Marc Grossman - I agree - it's a good thing the market is slow now, because it's giving us a chance to make these connections now. When things pick up, we're either going to have to hire someone to run our real estate business or our cyberspace.
Dan Forbes - 'Definately have to make room for ActiveRain!
Wayne B. Pruner - I think you hit the nail on the head... It's all ActiveRain's fault that the market is so bad because so many real estate agents are blogging instead of selling homes. lol.
Zen Ziejewski - Thank you!
Broker Bryant's Wife - It is easy to succumb, isn't it? I have no doubt that you've got things under control.
Judy Tuscano - That sounds fair!
Fran TheTitleMan - My goodness, six significant others!
Karl Christen - Agree!
Sharon Simms - Very good, if you can keep away all day. Sometimes I succeed, but not always.
Bill Gassett - Good question, but I think the slow market facilitates that. And sometimes, posts are developed FOR selling houses. For example, earlier tonight I did a Bowie MD market study to take on an appointment to assist with determining a fair offering price, and later tonight it will become a blog post.
Armando Rodriguez - You're right it CAN be addictive... we just have to periodically ask ourselves if AR is and other online pursuits are taking more of our time than we give to our family.
Lynda Eisenmann - Thank you, you're right... he is! And I think he's relieved that my discretionary time is now spent on the computer because my laptop creates a lot less clutter than my scrapbooking did. LOL.
Ann Cummings - AR actually gets me out of bed far more effectively than any alarm clock ever did in the morning.
Bob & Carolin Benjamin - You're right. It's really not fair to blame it all on ActiveRain!
Joan Whitebook - I'm sorry that your life is handing you some challenges now, but just think of all the new friends you have to stand by you. 'Looking forward to seeing more of you soon.
Jeannette Kohlhaas - Sleep thief, indeed. That's another good name for ActiveRain.
Mary - Well, at least you're together, right? Kinda like my husband and his reading the morning paper while I'm on AR...
Cyndee - I think we ALL struggle with this at times. And I like your analogy - it IS like that!
Julie - That would make a difference! But no doubt you had other things to fill your evening before AR - It amazes me that I find time for this because I certainly never could find more time for exercise.
Margaret,
I enjoyed your post. Unfortunately, both myself and my dear husband have our time at the computers which sometimes cuts into our conversations. We're both somewhat addicted!
Neal Bloom- Ahhh, one of the benefits of real estate as a career... the luxury of eating lunch with your spouse!
Diane Bell - Perhaps the title of this post grabbed your attention, then? lol. Well, if you're both doing it...
We've got a main office, each of us has their home office, and there are 8 computers spread across them. Yet, I do almost all of my work these days on a couple of laptops on our dining area table. It overlooks the forest behind out house, and the view is expansive. So I'm home mostly, and usually Maxene is doing her work in the living area of the great room that is our top floor. AR is our second blog, the other one is always first, but AR takes more time. And we both tolerate each other's work obsessions, but Max is much better at that than Iam.
Hope you are having a grand holiday season...
best
Margaret, this is an interesting post, and you're right - we need to recognize our priorities and adjust them accordingly. I would also say we should just watch our overall internet usage, because blogging, conducting business and spending time on favorite websites can take us away from our significant others, too. Thanks for the post.
Brian Wilson, Zolve.com
Gotta love those gold stars, but it's all I can do to keep up with acknowledging your thoughtful comments. It's gonna take me a week or more to reciprocate comments, so please be patient!
Vanessa Stalets - 'Sounds like you could be "at risk", Vanessa!
Gary Bolen - You paint a picture of a lovely work envirnoment, Gary. I think the comment protocal is what takes so long about ActiveRain - but then I think they make ActiveRain a valuable dialogue.
Sarah Eubanks - Yes, I know what you mean. I have to remind myself, as well. That's why I wrote this post!
Elise Sharpless - Welcome to ActiveRain, Elise! You'll probably go through ups and downs, like the rest of us, but I'm sure you'll find the right balance for you. I'm still working on it, but getting better.
Brian Wilson - You snuck in there with a comment while I was typing this, so I'm editing it to acknowledge what you say. So, so true. I guess, since all my current blogging and social networking has evolved from ActiveRain, I tend to lump ALL of them in under the category of ActiveRain time. But you're right - there is a LOT of cyber-distraction out there that could end up costing us more business than it generates - and, more important, cost us time with loved ones.
Margaret - For some of us, we had a life before the interweb. We were comfortably moving from one stage to another. Then bit by bit (maybe byte by byte), the intrusion began. We have treated this advancement as kindly as possible. We have done our best to make use of technology that is second nature to those younger folks.
We still have coffee on a crisp morning. We still have spouses that support our efforts. We remain the same basic people that we were before the interweb made the world so tiny and communication so swift. I don't believe that this forum or any other will replace the lifestyle that we have. It is more like a fine saffron used appropriately in a recipe. Our lives are richer for the mix. Your use of the medium is just another part of you. Never forget, you are the love of his life...........he hasn't.
seasons best
If you spend more than 30 minutes a day on AR you have a problem, really. Go have a coffee with your friend, stop by an old client's office and say hello, go have lunch with your husband, wife, child, etc.
Computers are tools -- not a replacement for human interaction. And, if you think you have a relationship with someone you've never met in person, you don't know what a relationship is.
Regardless of what people say, this is a fact: You spend your time on what is important to you. So, don't go saying "I love you honey" and then disappear to the computer room. Or, at least be honest with yourself and don't blame your sig if they're not happy.
Merry Christmas -- now go spend it face to face with someone.
Margaret,
Great question you posted. I thought about this myself. I try to limit my time on AR. I know that it can be addicting so I try not to let it get in the ways of my normal life. We must remember to watch our time as Paul puts it. The interaction is out in the real world. Computers are great but it all goes back to the traditional way of interacting which is face to face.
Happy Holidays!
Dave
John MacArthur - You must have been a poet in your earlier life. What a beautiful way to express that!
Paul Stokes - Why don't you tell us how you reall feel about this? I love a man of conviction! 'Guess it all goes back to that word we've been seeing in so many comments - balance. Once you've generated a half dozen clients from ActiveRain, you may feel a little differently about the value of time invested. I'd sure rather be doing this, and creating something of value to share with my current and past clients, than the old-fashioned way of getting them - duty time in the office!
Dave D, - Nothing better than face-to-face - except for communicating with young professionals in their 20's and 30's. I have 3 very successful children in that demographic, and they've convinced me that they just won't do business with anyone except online. Again, balance - I think the online communication is key to getting their attention, but face to face must follow at some point for the close.
Margaret,
This was a great post. I have thought about just the very thing over the past couple of months. I just don't know what I would have done without AR. Also, don't know WHY it took me so long to find it. I fractured my ankle back at the end of September and just really got in a "defunked" attitude. One day while sitting with my foot propped up and with my laptop in my lap (OF COURSE), I came across an article where AR was mentioned. I thought to myself, WHY NOT, don't have anything else to do.....AND HERE I AM!
My AR "family" has brought me through some really hard times since then. I am still "chair bound" for another few weeks and with my husband on the road (driving a truck) most of the time, I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY about not paying attention to him!! LOL HOWEVER, when he comes home for those couple of days, I really do have to keep my eyes from veering toward the laptop and WONDERING what is going on in the AR world.
"OH HONEY...isn't it time for you to leave again?"
I got the first hint dropped to me last week when my husband asked if I'd like an umbrella for Christmas. I kind of miss his fishing habit. LOL!
Kathy Fisher - Don't worry, Kathy, there's nothing here on AR than can't wait 'til he's on the road again! Except for an occasional featured post, when the comment count goes through the roof, it's not too hard to keep up with acknowledging and reciprocating comments - especially if you focus on localism posts. Thanks for sharing your picture!
Amanda Hall - Take the umbrella AND the hint! lol.
James Boyer Morris -I'm sorry you haven't benefited yet - I am very fortunate to have several transactions traceable to ActiveRain. In fact, one listing came from my very first post, so I've never doubted the effectiveness.
Greg Knowles - That's right, you probably won't have time to wortty about it with two little boys keeping you on the run!
Margaret - Tough questions to have to ask yourself. I am somewhat lucky in that my husband/webguy is a former Real Estate Broker and Internet addict so we have some common ground when it comes to time spent on active|rain. The kids are grown and have their own families to occupy most of their time. The Dog, well the dog does not need much in the way of talking as long as she is on my lap or between me and the door so I can't sneak out on her. If I am online my email is functioning and the phones and pager are handy so I am not out of touch or out of reach. I'm learning things that will help in the promotion of my web sites that in turn will help my vendors and help supply new prospective purchasers.
ALL IN ALL
Addiction to active|rain can be a good thing
one addict to another.
This is a great blog. I am guilty too. I have a husband and six daughters (ages 12, 11, 9, 5, 3, and 1) who used to accused me of having an affair with my Blackberry now its Active Rain. I love AR, its engaging. Okay I can see what they mean now. At least its bettering my career. Married 15 years on March 12. My family tolerates and entertains my need to blog for the betterment of my career. Good one, huh?
Happy Holidays. www.vangiewilliams.com
Kathy Clulow - You ARE fortunate to have common interests! Like me, you don't have a lot of family responsibilities so it is easier for us to spend time on the computer. But I do want to keep it in check - I ask myself nearly daily whether I'm spending too much time on the computer.
David Fox - That little gold star is the reason for so many comments, David. I don't think I could blog so often if I had to acknowledge and reciprocate this many comments every time. I know some people do, but it wouldn't make it in MY world.
Vangie Williams - My goodness, you do have a house full. I would have to have some outlet like ActiveRain or music or tennis or something, just to keep myself sane!
Yes, we are all "spread thin" over so many places. I try to blog before my little gets up or after she is in bed and since I am divorced--that's not an issue.
Keep it up! If you ever need anything in Crofton, feel free to call - even if you just want to stop in and use a conference room in my office or make copies in the area, just let me know.
Hi Margaret - I included this post in the Week in Review for this week.
Merry Christmas!
Ann
Karen Anne - There are times when it does seem I am making a space in my day for AR, and not for my husband or children. I have to ask myself this question, in all seriousness.
Ann - Thank you! I appreciate the recognition! I think it's a fair question for many of us - if not all the time, at least some of the time.